Parents object to 16-year-old getting a job after they repeatedly refuse to pay for the care of his 3 younger siblings, aged 12, 10, and 7 years old: 'I reminded them that they get what they pay for'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 4, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Doing chores and contributing to the household is just a part of being a member of the household, especially as you get older. The harsh reality is that when you're a teenager, soon the gloves are going to come off, and you're going to be faced with the harsh reality that surviving day to day as an adult requires 10x as much effort just to maintain functional normality as you anticipate when you're a kid at home. Plus, your parents are doing these things daily just to keep the family (what often feels) precariously afloat, and any contribution the kids are making can go a long way. Besides, not learning some of these important foundational lessons on how to prepare for this leads to some disastrous results in your twenties, and frankly, it can take years to figure it out, if ever. We all know this person, have this friend, or have had this roommate. 

Still, as with anything, there are limits. And it's possible to take things too far and cross lines—even as parents. It's important to be fair to the older kids and not treat them as a third de facto parent, making sure that you're not taking their contributions for granted and expecting them to contribute to levels that actually impede their own prospects and development.

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  • 01
    "They told me I was being a brat and they can make me babysit [if they want to.]"
    via Vitolda Klein

  • This teen hit his limit with his parents over their refusal to pay them an allowance for his chores, which included caring for his younger siblings, while the siblings themselves received a weekly allowance. Wanting some income of his own, he got a job, which most parents would be stoked about, but his parents took issue with the fact that it would interfere with their child-caring responsibilities and generally just keep them from being at the parent's beck and call. Frustrated, the teen shared their experience with this online community to get outsider's thoughts on the situation.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to babysit when my parents asked because they wouldn't pay me? My parents have me (16M) and my younger siblings (12F, 10M and 7F). My younger siblings get an allowance for the chores they do which is one chore each and for that they get $20 a week. While I never got an allowance for doing my chores and I have five chores; making four beds every morning,
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 03
    keeping the kid living room tidy, doing laundry twice a week, cooking for the family once a week and cleaning my siblings lunch boxes after school. I always had multiple chores. This list has been the same for five years. Before that the only difference was cooking since I didn't cook one night a week.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 04
    But laundry was added when I was like 7 or 8. My siblings chores are; carry dishes to whoever washes up (7F), start the robo vacuum (10M) and make sure the fridge always has bottled water (12F).
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 05
    I asked my parents why my siblings get paid but I don't even though I do more. They told me it was the responsibility of being the oldest and they shouldn't need to pay me to be a good brother and son. Then they hated when I got a job because some of my chores were done at
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 06
    different times than they used to be. I told them I wanted money and since they decided I wasn't worth paying like my siblings were I got a real job instead. To be clear I still do my chores. But instead of the lunch boxes being done right after school on Friday it happens after work. The kid living room is messier longer because I'll be at work while my siblings are making a mess.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 07
    My parents want to go on an overnight date night and they asked me to babysit. I asked them what they were paying and they said nothing, it would be another chore. I told them I won't babysit then and I'll only babysit if I get paid. They told me they can't afford to pay me
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 08
    and I replied that I was tired of being screwed over by them while they pay my younger siblings. They told me I was being a brat and they can make me babysit. I reminded them that they get what they pay for. AITA?
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 09
    OP has offered the following. explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I refused to babysit when my parents asked because they wouldn't pay me. My parents are in charge of me and I know some kids have it way worse than me. That I talked back to them and wouldn't say yes is why I think I could be TA.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 10
    Which_Tangerine8982 . 4h ago. So in theory, when you leave home at 18 for college or whatever, 12F is going to be shocked that she is suddenly the oldest and has all the responsibility. You are actually fortunate that you are learning real life skills, and you will be prepared for adulthood much more than your siblings. But, NTA for being resentful for the way you are treated differently.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 11
    • Yes-GoAway 4h ago • NTA They have the money for the overnight date but not childcare. Your siblings are old enough to take on more responsibility, like making their own bed, cleaning up after themselves, etc. The division of chores and allowance is unfair. Your parents are taking advantage of you.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 12
    I wouldn't have a problem babysitting 3 kids those ages if they were well-behaved. But I can see how you feel they are treating you unfairly and that makes you not want to help. We do favors for people we like. These are the kind of decisions parents make, that make their children cut ties with them.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 13
    maleficentwasright 4h ago • NTA Tell them you didn't ask to be or want the responsibility of being the oldest sibling. You had NO say in their family planning. If they can't afford a sitter, they can't afford a date night. Older siblings aren't ready-made free ones. You were absolutely 100% correct in your response.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 14
    Also, why is 10ms job just starting the roomba when 7f is carrying plates and 12f is restocking the fridge? That seems unequal too, he literally just pushes a button. Your siblings are going to revolt when you leave for uni or just move out and all the extra chores will need to be split between them.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 15
    Only-Ingenuity7889 4h ago • Sounds like that evening is a good night to sleep over at a friend's house, just in case. NTA. This is bulls
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 16
    LotsofCatsFl 4h ago • . NTA being the oldest does not make you responsible for taking care of the younger ones. That's always your parents responsibility
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 17
    glenmarshall . 4h ago • NTA. You are being emotionally and financially abused by your parents. Refuse to do any chores unless you are paid. Set the hourly rate at whatever your job pays, as that's what your time is worth. This may cause you some difficulty in the short term, but you are old enough to establish boundaries and insist on them being honored.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 18
    Comfortable-Bug1737 4h ago • • If they say they'll make you, tell them you'll leave and phone the police. Get them done for abandonment.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 19
    Physical_Dance_9606 • 4h ago. NTA, and while I'm at it I would absolutely be refusing to make the beds and clean the lunchboxes of siblings that are perfectly old enough to do that for themselves
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 20
    backdatplantup 4h ago. NTA we have 3 kids, 16, 10, & 4. We pay our teen to babysit just as we would another sitter. We also ask if days/times work with her schedule as we would anyone else!! It is a JOB! Good for you for standing up for yourself.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 21
    Full-Choice-2204 4h ago. NTA. And technically, they cannot make your babysit. Good luck and I am sorry that you have to go through this.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 22
    MerlinBiggs 4h ago NTA. They set the standard of being paid for chores. And then made an exception for you. They've created this situations themselves. Good for you for standing up to this double standard.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 23
    Gigafive • 4h ago. Go on strike. Stop doing all your chores, especially cleaning up after your siblings. They are all old enough to make their beds and clean up their messes. NTA
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 24
    BoredofBin • 4h ago. NTA! Your parents are using you as a free help. Talk to your parents and teach them the concept of parentification. Stay strong and put your foot down.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 25
    GittaFirstOfHerName • 3h ago. NTA. I was in a similar situation when I was growing up. I am eight years older than my younger sibling, and I babysat her without pay -- and without my parents even consulting me -- every weekend for the first two years I was in high school. Then I got a part- time job which cut into babysitting time, but even then when I had nights off, my parents left my younger sibling with me.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 26
    To be clear: they weren't out partying. They were engaged in civic and church activities. Still, I was unpaid labor. They had a place "up north," too, and during summers through high school, they went there on weekends while I worked my job -- and they left me a list of things to do in the house. Essentially, I cleaned it from top to bottom while they were away.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 27
    I left home as soon as I could and never looked back. I've had a semi-distant relationship with them all through adulthood. You're not being a brat. They're using you as unpaid labor AND they're favoring your siblings over you (as mine did, both older and younger, fwiw). I'm sorry you're the family servant. It happens to so many of the oldest children or the ones most responsible in the family. You deserve better.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708
  • 28
    Character-Twist-1409 · 4h ago • NTA. Do you have any family that you can tell? It's wildly unfair to pay some of the kids and not you. Also for overnight babysitting they should absolutely be paying.
    via Free_Chemistry_3708

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